When you are about to eat, is your thought “Because I want it.” I hear and see this often. I was reflecting back on all the times I’ve dieted off weight. One of the most successful (though the 80 pounds came right back on again) was Weight Watchers “back in the day.” We did not count points then, it was food exchanges and a set of rules. I couldn’t remember the exact set up, so I googled it to see if there was anything online about that old program. Indeed there was. It was specific weighed out or measured portions that were something like this:
Milk -2
Fat – 3
Fruit -2
Veggies – no less than 3
Protein -5
Bread(starches) – 3
Water – 8
Optional exchanges for the week: 7-14
You were required to include a serving of liver once a week in your protein exchanges as well as fish as protein at least 5 a week. There was a limit on the number of eggs per week, what kind of fats you could have and all dairy was nonfat. There were additional rules. A lot of additional rules. I saw someone respond to a forum post on this program saying, “I would never do that one – I don’t like to be told what I can and cannot eat.”
I sat scratching my head a little over that comment. Might she not see an issue right there with resistance to being told she needed to include something in her diet that was nutritionally missing or that it might not be a good idea to eat more than 3 portions of starchy food a day? When I was a kid, a lot of moms were very adamant about not eating junk before dinner, making sure you ate vegetables, telling you the fish was good for you. It was not all about sugar-coated! It was about what was going to build a strong body and a sharp mind. Yet today, we do not want to be told what to eat.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m all about ditching the diet mentality, but that doesn’t mean we lose our minds and eat ice cream 3 times a day. You begin to learn what supports your body and feels great IN your body. But if you reach for cookies and think your only thought is “I want it,” you need to dig a little deeper. There is something more going on in your thoughts that you are subconsciously not wanting to look at. If you feel like you just want what you want in the moment, this is coming from a place of emotional childhood. When you succumb to operating from a place of emotional childhood, you are thinking that everything going on in your life is happening TO you. We think that everything we feel is coming from outside of us and we are not in control of how we feel. Therefore how can we be in control of how we act? Children do not have the capacity to make the distinction between what is outside of them and what is their own thinking and choice.
Growing into emotional adulthood means you begin to take responsibility for your own emotions, how you think and how you feel. You understand that your life is not happening TO YOU, but instead is something that you are actively creating for yourself. How often do you hear grown adults saying it is all the government’s fault, their neighbor’s fault, their bosses fault? That is being stuck in emotional childhood. It’s all THEIR fault that I feel this way. No one and nothing outside of you can cause you to feel one way or the other. It is always all about how you are thinking and assessing it. The good news with that, is you are in control and get to chose how you want to feel. YOU get to choose. You do not expect anyone or anything outside of you to “make me happy.” You get to just chose happiness. You also get to chose to eat according to how, as an adult, you chose to take care of yourself. Coolio.
More in-depth on this subject on this week’s episode of Weight Coach podcast, Episode #8 Eating Because I Just Want It:
Good post.
I am of the child mindset when it comes to food and diet. I don’t have many “running through fields…catching frogs…finding a kittens” memories of my childhood. I remember negotiating for a cookie with my mother while she was trying to vacuum. I remember sneaking food into my room and hiding the wrappers under my bed (who did I think was cleaning out from under there? Elves?). I also remember being told that if I was still hungry, I may not have more potatoes…instead, I could have more salad. As an educated adult, I think back and realize that the salad had more calories than the potatoes. Blue cheese dressing, croutons, cheese and iceberg lettuce…wow, healthy.
While writing this response, I just had a memory of a 30 year old man that was mentally challenged (is that the PC term?). His brain never advanced beyond the age of 5. It was his birthday and there was, of course, cake. He had the knife and asked if he could cut the first slice for himself. After getting approval from his father, he took that knife and cut a quarter of the cake and moved it to his plate. We all laughed. Give a “5 year old” carte blanche with a cake knife and that’s what’s going to happen.
Well, I seem to have a 5 year old brain when it comes to food. I’ve not fully advanced to adulthood in this area, just like the man that I wrote about. I know better than to stare at my feet while riding my bike, because one will ride into a telephone pole and knock the bejesus out of oneself. I adulted forward on this one. Why do I still demand the cookie? Why am I still 5?
Is it possible to be mentally challenged in some areas of your life?
Kim,
You make me laugh – I love how your mind works. No, you are not mentally challenged, and actually more normal than you know. My mom used to tell the story about how I climbed up on a chair to lean across her kitchen counter while she was making cookies (I was only about 3 years old?) to watch. I ask if I could have one and she said, “No, Jo Jo, it’s too close to your dinner.” I answered saying, “I knew a little girl once who’s mommy said she couldn’t have a cookie.” Mom said, “Oh is that right?” I said, “Yes, and she died.” My mom laughed so hard, then said, “Well I guess I’d better let you have a cookie.” So there’s my inner child, and probably she is still telling me I’m going to die if I don’t have that cookie or cupcake or extra scoop of mac and cheese.
But if you can recognize your emotional child reaction to food/eating now, you are one step up on responding from emotional adulthood. You don’t HAVE to respond to that child urge. Also know that you are having other thoughts – they are thoughts that make you think you just want it. It is THOSE thoughts that you want to start recognizing. Just knowing you are motivated from a place of emotional child is empowering and will begin to move you more into taking responsibility for your choices, and making the choices that work for what you want.
My mom caved and gave me a cookie right before dinner. I am not so soft – I’m not going to continue to fall for that “and she died” punchline!