This is a strange subject for a blog about being widowed, but then – maybe not so strange at all. Many, many widows that I’ve had as clients sell their house and move. It was not my first step after my husband died. There were many other first steps, but selling the house to move was not immediate. After a couple of years, I began thinking that there was nothing holding me in New York now that Jim was gone and many reasons to go elsewhere.
I returned to Texas for the first time since I was 4-years old a couple of years ago for a life coaching mastermind. Almost the second the plane landed at Dallas Love Field, I knew.
I could feel it in my soul.
I was home.
So I began planning and taking steps to decide where in Texas I would move to.
But here’s the thing – I wanted to be sure I was making this move for solid reasons. I did not want to be doing this because I somehow thought I would be happier in Texas, thinner in Texas, richer in Texas, more successful in Texas, less lonely in Texas – on and on.
Our actions are always driven by our emotions. But I knew that I could feel all those things right where I was. I just needed to work on my mindset. I needed to be aware of my thoughts.
When I put my house on the market last spring, it unfortunately coincided with the city ripping up all the streets in my neighborhood to replace old gas lines that were becoming a risk.
“Seriously?” That was my overriding thought the morning I knew my house was officially on the market and I opened my living room drapes to see giant work trucks and utter chaos.
It was gift. No kidding. It gave me the entire year to truly understand my own motivations. It gave me the entire year to teach myself how much happier I could feel in New York. How much thinner, richer, more successful and less lonely I could feel in New York.
You see, our emotions are a direct result of what our brain is thinking. Our thoughts actually produce emotions, including the chemicals our body produces and releases in response. Feel good chemicals. Depression chemicals. Fight or flight chemicals. It all starts in our brain.
So while I was still in New York, I could choose some better thinking. If I thought, “I’m not happy enough here and would be happier in Texas,” then indeed I would not feel happy enough. Crazy, right? But absolute truth.
I made sure I could feel all those cool emotions right then, and that my reasons for moving to Texas were solid, great financial and health reasons.
It made sense to leave New York. I needed a house without stairs (severe osteoarthritis and multiple sclerosis made this clear). No state taxes in Texas and a much better business environment. The weather is a better environment for me than the frigid winters of the northeast.
When the next spring rolled around, the universe was ready for me. In 2 weeks I had multiple offers and sold my house in New York. The perfect house in Waco, Texas turned up. I drove across the beautiful country of ours and celebrated as I crossed the border into my new state.
Then it hit me. NOW I can get as emotional about Texas as I like and it serves me. I was stunned to realize that even though I had needed to be sure I was making the big decision for all the right reasons and keep my expectations within reason, now I could let my emotions run high.
So here it is: I LOVE everything about Texas. That’s just one thought running through my mind these days. There are also thoughts like, “People here are so gracious, kind and nice. These are sweet, sweet people.” “The food here is simply amazing and delicious.” “I even love the summer heat of Texas!”
I’m sure you’ve all heard or read about the placebo effect that doctors study. It’s where they tell you that you are getting an amazing new medication, but it is actually a sugar-pill. Because you believe you are getting a miracle drug, your condition improves. What does placebo studies have to do with Texas?
TEXAS IS MY PLACEBO.
You got it right. Yep, because I am seeing everything here as being so much better, so much more fun, and day-to-day living seems so much easier, it IS so. I’m walking through my house here in a state of constant amazement and gratitude. So if those emotions can actually create a state of better physical health, then yes – Texas is even creating that for me.
My delight and joy over each discovery here in Texas is off the charts, and I am going to run with it and continue to nurture that amazing emotional state. I am home in Texas and Texas has won my heart. Texas is my placebo. What a great thought for a great state.
Want to learn how to manage your thoughts and create the emotions that serve you? Go visit our subscription membership site: Widow Coaching Center
