So, What Are You Feeling?

When I was a devoted Weight Watchers attendee, the leader asked the question, “When you are wanting to snack in the evening, what are you feeling?” She immediately followed with this “and don’t say, “I don’t know” because that is a cop-out. You are feeling something, so what are you feeling.” I was flummox and definitely did not raise my hand for eager recognition. A cop-out? But I had no idea what I might be actually FEELING when I eat in front of the TV at night (don’t judge! – Game of Thrones, people!). How could she insist that we were just copping out because we could not immediately know what on earth we are supposed to be feeling? Really?

 

Weight Watchers had been my “go to” for many years when it was time to roll back the body padding, yet again. I had my best success in my 30’s with them, dropping down to a size smaller than I had ever worn in my adult life. Yes, that was incredible – but unfortunately did not last long. My body rebelled like a frustrated teenager. I regained the weight so fast, my muscles hurt when I lay down at night from the sheer force of fat cells refilling – and I am not exaggerating. Pretty horrific.

 

But this whole question of “what are you feeling when . . . . ?” came up again along my path of self-coaching. Again, I was perplexed. I tried – I really tried. Chewing through a bag of “Pop Chips,” I kept trying to tune in and discover what the feeling was that was driving me to keep popping another chip in. I was hyper vigilant right through the Pop Chips and onto the Annie’s Bunny Grahams. What am I feeling, what am I feeling? Of course, I eventually hit on a feeling – it was shame over having eaten Pop Chips and Bunny Grahams.   But once I dealt with the shame, the answer hit me. I didn’t know what I was feeling because I had become so very expert at eating my feelings down, I was eating them down before they could even break through the surface of my subconscious. Wow. This means I need to NOT eat so fast so I can see what bubbles up?

 

So yeah, maybe I’m slow on the uptake. But there it was, the breakthrough I had spent decades searching for. No, I could not immediately feel those “snack time” feelings. But I could start to catch feelings as they bubble up and tell myself to just sit with them and see what it is like to fully experience “shame,” “sadness,” “loneness,” “grief.”   Maybe I’m not even giving the “good” feelings full bloom? Certainly joy needs to be savored and not just run right by! So the next time any feeling starts to surface, before you can get the chips to your mouth, take a moment. Just sit with it and watch the “waves” pass. You might find that you can feel it and be okay afterwards.