Self doubt is a real confidence builder, isn’t it? Almost always, when self-doubt rears its ugly head, it is a response to something someone else said about us and what we make their statement mean.
Confused? Okay, here is an example. You go out to dinner with friends in a new shirt that you just fell in love with and bought. A friend at that dinner says, “I would’ve found that print a little risky.” You think, “I look like crap in this, what was I thinking when I bought it?” For the rest of the evening you are feeling totally inhibited because you are sure everyone thinks you look ridiculous in your new shirt. Go home early, take off the shirt and put it in the back of your closet; never to be seen again.
But wait? Is it fact that the print is risky? You sure didn’t think so when you fell in love with the shirt and forked out big bucks for it. Did the others at dinner really think you looked ridiculous in the shirt after your friend said, “I would’ve found that print a little risky?” You made it mean you looked like crap. But others at the table may have thought your friend “is sure conservative,” or even “definitely couldn’t pull off that great shirt like you do.” But you made it be all about you instead of about HER! You could have thought that she has conservative taste. Even if she said, “you look terrible in that.” So what? Do you have to believe that? It would still be a reflection of her own opinion and clothing preferences. Nothing to do with you or anyone else at the table for that matter!
So the next time you begin to doubt yourself, second guessing your ability or choices, take a moment to reflect on what you are thinking to cause that? When someone offers an opinion – it is their opinion (not yours!) and it is all about THEM and who they are. It is how they see things through their eyes and their filter, including all the baggage they may be carrying. It actually has nothing to do with you. But it is so easy to slip right into making their opinion be fact. Their opinion is not fact. What is fact is what they said. What will others think about what that person said about you? You have no way of knowing unless you ask. Never assume everyone else is making it mean what YOU are making it mean!
The opinion of others does not define YOU – it defines them. So go forth, and be your bad self! Set the town on fire and have a blast at dinner.
