His friend, John, referred to the Esopus as Jim’s personal Ganges. So it was. He swam here every summer as a
Yes, the bridge has been closed for years – and yes, it was a bit illegal to squeeze through the hole in the fence to go out on the bridge and scatter ashes over the side. But Jim would have loved the illicit nature of the whole thing. Today, a year later, I did not squeeze through and clamor over the rail. I wove a bundle of Jim’s favorite flowers into the chain-link barrier on the bridge, then
Then I drove on into Phoenicia. This was one of the first places Jim took me to when I moved to NYC. He loved it up here and we would often drive up to stay a few days in Phoenicia by the Esopus. Finally, California girl that I am, decided after a decade in New York City that I needed to see stars again and have a garden. So I found a house to buy upstate, near the Hudson River and the Esopus. So after saying, “Happy Birthday” to Jim on the bridge, I went into town to the restaurant that was a favorite breakfast spot of ours. I always used to say, “One day we have to come later in the day so I can try a slice of their wood oven pizza.” Today I sat at the lunch counter and had a slice. Then walked through the town of Phoenicia, all the spots he loved to photograph. It was a little melancholy to look at the views and the spot on the street where I had snapped the last picture I ever took of Jim. But I did
My day-to-day life has shaped itself into my new normal – into who I am now. But there are still moments that take me by surprise – moments of exquisite pain and sadness. But they are also moments of pure, complete love. It is because I so loved him that I still sometimes cry now – and that is a beautiful thing.