Your loss and your experience of it would have been unimaginable to you before it happened. Maybe there were others in your life who became widowed long before it was ever a reality for you. Probably you said the usual things to her or at the funeral. “I’m sorry for your loss. Let me know if there is anything you need.”
Then came your loss and your entire world came crashing down.
You heard those statements, but this time they hit your ears very differently. Then everyone left after the funeral and went back to their normal, busy lives; and you felt like, “what about me?” Where did everyone go who said just let me know if you need anything. No one is coming to save you.
Welcome to downward spiral of self-pity. Oh yes, you are totally entitled to it! If the widow cannot have an ongoing pity party, then WHO DOES QUALIFY? Right? We have to allow those emotions – let them wash over us, one after another. The initial loss is followed by a crazy cascade of emotions, hitting and changing, minute by minute. Breathe, lean into them. Notice each emotion and name it.
Here’s the thing. No one is coming to save you. Not your friends. Not your family. Not even your kids. There comes a time in the process of the exquisite grief that follows losing your life partner when you have to stand up and start putting one foot in front of the other. You have to save yourself. SAVE YOURSELF.
It is not going to help to be blaming everyone and everything outside of you. It is not the doctor’s fault, the suicide’s fault, the illness’ fault, your spouse’s fault, not even the gunman’s fault. It is a fact that your spouse has died. Everything that follows is no one’s fault.
The bills that go late sitting on the end table.
The lawn that needs mowing, and you now have to do it or hire someone.
The extra 20 pounds you’ve gained in the months after his death.
The leaking water heater.
The mortgage.
The kids.
The business he owned.
No one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.
You are responsible for your health, your money, your happiness, your future.
There is a legacy living inside of you, waiting for you to take action. Your brain is scared. Your brain says, “don’t take chances.” Your brain says, “who do you think you are?” Your brain says, “Who will THEY think you are?”
It’s your brain’s job to keep you safe – sometimes to a fault. It jumps to the negative on everything; just trying to make sure it keeps you alive and safe. But you don’t feel safe anymore – not ever. You can’t even get to sleep at night.
But here’s the thing: You are not broken. You ARE enough. It’s time to focus on becoming truly YOU and getting in touch with HER. You become what you believe. When you can believe in yourself, you become unstoppable.
Claim your life – take back your future. It’s YOURS. You get to design that future and grow into it. It’s time. No one is coming to save you. But you CAN save yourself.
I can help. Life coaching guides you, keep you believing in yourself, helps you see that you are powerful and capable. Coaching can help you own your life and become who you were always meant to be.
Stop waiting to be saved. Start saving yourself.
