Do you still mentally berate yourself for the things you do that you think were wrong/stupid/useless/weak? I got a card that made me laugh right out loud, because it was cute, funny, and hit a truth. It was a prairie dog with a birthday hat on, fork in hand with frosting around his mouth. The prairie dog is sitting in front of a plate that has a bite of cake left on it and he/she is saying, “God I hate myself.” After I chuckled, I immediately realized how many times in my life that was me.
Has this been you too? Have you celebrated life with a special treat and then immediately hate yourself for succumbing to food? For me, I think I’ve become so adept at hating myself for eating certain foods that I do not even hear myself any longer. But that thought and the resultant feeling of self-hate are playing out just beneath the surface of my mind. No matter how much our inner food rebel wants to believe we can eat freely and with impunity, there it is – that little voice that says some variation of “God I hate myself.” No, we probably should not eat cake at every meal. But the fact is, we can go for weeks and weeks with great self-control, but then cave for a brief moment in time and the mental beatings begin.
Just trying to observe your mind to become aware of what it is telling you is a good start to breaking that cycle of self-hate. What are the thoughts you normally tell yourself when you have eaten foods you consider not healthy or you have overeaten? Write down a few thoughts that play in your brain. Don’t just read about this – do this! The very next time you eat something you think you should not have, start writing the sentences you hear in your head. Don’t judge, just be curious to see what you get down on paper. These thoughts might surprise you. For each thought you wrote down, notice how each one makes you feel when you read it. Note down that feeling by the thought. Thoughts are a sentence, feelings are one word. They certainly influence your eating. But you are not your thoughts; you are the person listening to your thoughts. Your reaction to your thoughts is what creates your life. That is the good news, because it means you can be in charge. You get to choose how you react or don’t react to your thoughts.
Make that commitment to yourself that no matter what you do, you will not beat yourself up over it. This goes not only for eating, but for things you do, things you say, times you’ve made a bad decision. Sure those ingrained thoughts will play again in your head. It is like a record that has been played so many times it gets stuck in your mind. But now you’ll recognize those old thoughts and understand what they are. Then you get to think a better sentence in your head. You get to forgive your brain for playing that old record and move on. Maybe the next time you find yourself in a birthday hat with a plate of cake, you can take a few bites without the mental beatings. Because you know full well you chose to celebrate with a little cake and it is a perfectly acceptable choice.
Let me know you are here reading by leaving a comment – Let’s have a conversation about the self-talk that can go on inside of our brain. Scroll down to the comments section and share your ideas with the rest of us.
