| As a new widow, my first New Year’s Eve felt like “This is NOT how I expected to bring in the new year.” You see, Jim died the evening of Dec 29th. So the year of 2014 closed out in less than 48 hours after his death. I was still in shock as I sat down next to my fireplace with a glass of wine to watch the ball drop on TV. My first thought was as above “This is NOT how I expected to bring in the new year.” The rest of my thoughts were in quick succession – and changed everything: “When we celebrated New Year’s Eve last year, Jim did not know it would literally be the last year of his life” “Would he have lived it differently? No – he always took on life, head on.” “But . . . . . . . . I can’t know this isn’t MY LAST YEAR on the planet!” “I need to treasure every single day this year – live it like I know Jim would have.” “There needs to be some little JOY in every single day I’m alive on this planet” “I’m going to live 2015 like I’m going to die at the end.” With that, I raised my glass of wine, looked upward and said, “This one’s for you, Jim.” And that, my friend, has my New Year tradition every year since. No holds barred – living each year full out. I’m positive it changed my course of grieving completely. Instead of shutting down emotionally – I began to live life as fully as I could. It did not start out really well – those first six months in a total fog. You’re widowed. You know what I’m talking about. But at the end of those first six months, I lifted up my head and realized I was not living my promise to myself and to Jim. I had taken a corporate job because I needed income. But it was terrible. It was no way to spend the last year of your life. So I quit the very next morning. It was scary. But I knew I had to live like I was dying – or as close to it as I could bring myself. I stepped out on the path that has today brought me onto your computer screen. The path that launched my coaching business, created a podcast for widows, and published two books for widows. The path that helped me see that I can be okay – I can take care of myself. I found that path by making the commitment to live a year of my life as if it were my last, and then taking a single step in that direction. Five years later, I’m still here on the planet and ready to commit to 2020 as if it is my last year to live. It might be. It might not be. One thing I can promise you – at the end of 2020, I’ll no regrets. Just as sitting here at the end of 2019, I have no regrets. I can look back at my year and see amazing accomplishments and experiences. Before I commit to 2020, I’ll take a few moments to reflect on 2019. You should too. Even if it means pulling out your calendar to see what you did this year. It’ll surprise you. Sometimes just having kept a dentist appointment is the big win. Sometimes you made an entire life change. Honor your year – acknowledge what you’ve done this year. Then step into 2020 vowing to get the MOST you can out of the coming year. Find joy in each and every day. Big joy. Little, tiny joy. No matter how impactful that taste of joy is – be looking for it. There is no greater gift you can give yourself, give your deceased spouse, and give the world around you. Live your life. Love your life. It could be your last year on the planet. Make it a wild ride you’ll never forget. Happy New Year! With love and great intent for all of you, Joann |
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